Saturday, May 20, 2006

No Wind in my Sails...

Man I'm emotionally drained. No worries I'm okay, actually better than, just drained. I have hill repeats today but I think I'm gonna bag it. Getting to the hill and back is longer than the workout!!!:) This is the drawback of not owning a vehicle and the thought of taking a bus out to the headlands just sounds so unappealing. More time and more hassle. Besides you know I'd never take the bus back. I'd end up doing more than what's required and be totally zapped for the race with Jason A. tomorrow - Ohlone 50k. It's only a 50k and I'm not racing but nothing sucks more than showing up to a race totally drained. I 've done it.

You see I've been struggling with a couple of major issues the last few weeks. Issues that could have easily brought me down for a prolonged period of time and completely take me out of my game. For awhile there I was down but I fought back. Dealing with the issues has produced the opposite effect. It's crazy. It's not that I wasn't a fighter before this, it's just that...well...I found out that I was capable of more - you might say a third wind. The last couple of days I've looked at the mirror and said "Who are you?", you're not the person I know.

Most of all the experience has greatly strengthened my Faith. There is no distance between God and I on these issues. I am sad but I am NOT angry. I am disappointed but I am NOT frustrated. Endurance, perseverance, and courage; I'm happy to see these in practical applications in my daily life and not just in the activities that I do. I am more than the things I do. I am not my mistakes. I am not my disappointments. So here's to moving forward, it's a new day. Time will tell if I'm just full of hot air or if I really got something here.

With all that melodrama said, I think I will bag the hill repeats and run a trail that I know very well. This route was a staple of my marathon, 50k and 50-mile training programs but hardly used now that I eschew it for the Marin Headlands. If there is such a thing as a "comfort trail", this is it. It will beautiful, by the ocean, and a reminder of how far I've come.

I will leave you all with my personal motto. Might strike a chord with some of you.

There is no Finish without a Start. No Victory without a Struggle.

3 comments:

  1. Squirt3:31 PM

    It's interesting how this blog is growing on you.
    The emotional side is interesting to see from you.
    Anyway, just here to stop by.
    Likin' the quote. =]

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  2. i'm likin' the quote too! Thanks for a great day yesterday! Still prefer Marin, but the Easy Bay has it's gorgeous side too!

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  3. You're thanking me? It was your idea and I just piggy backed on yet another trip that you planned.

    It was a great race and an amazing time. Sorely needed. East Bay is beautifu but I'd hate to see it in the heat, although you have a great tolerance for heat and would probably love that race in higher temps.

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